As Metro-Detroit gets pounded with (yet another) round of snow, you may find yourself turning toward thoughts of warm weather, green grass, and the inviting smells of grilled brats and Copenhagen long-cut. This series is designed to preview the AL Central; traditionally the punching-bag of the MLB, but the only division in baseball to feature three teams in the divisional round of the playoffs. My hope is that, through previewing each team in the AL Central, you’ll find yourself equipped with FACTS and LOGIC to hate on all our divisional rivals. And if there’s any team whose failures I celebrate more openly, it’s the…

Chicago White Sox

2024 Record: 41-121 (oof)

2025 Projection: 5th in the AL Central

 

Projected Starting Lineup:

1B: Andrew Vaughn

2B: Lenyn Sosa

SS: Brooks Baldwin

3B: Miguel Vargas

LF: Andrew Benintendi

CF: Louis Robert Jr

RF: Mike Tauchman

C: Korey Lee

DH: Zach DeLoach

 

Projected Starting Rotation:

Jonathan Cannon

Davis Martin

Sean Burke

Drew Thorpe

Bryse Wilson

 

Key Offseason Acquisitions:

3B Josh Rojas

OF Austin Slater

OF Mike Tauchman

RHP Bryse Wilson

C Matt Thaiss

 

Key Offseason Departures:

LHP Garrett Crochet (Red Sox)

3B Yoan Moncada (FA)

2B Nicky Lopez (FA)

1B Gavin Sheets (FA)

RHP Mike Soroka (FA)

Look, I’m not going to sit here and pretend that I’m above shitty baseball, because Lord knows I’ve seen plenty of it in the early 90’s and late 2010’s/early 20’s as a Tigers fan. But, last year felt like an almost Lynchian version of a professional baseball team; from an August 28th game against the Texas Rangers that had about 17 people in attendance, to the open letter to fans, to pissing matches about stadium funding- with the final exclamation point being the most losses ever in an MLB season. I do feel bad for White Sox fans (as much as one can), because there is truly no worse version of hell than sitting there in the first week of May with almost no hope or optimism for meaningful baseball over the course of the next four months. If you’re a White Sox fan, at least you have the entire offseason to crown yourself NFL Super Bowl Champions. I’ve always admired that about you guys. 

Let’s go through some reasons for hope:

 

1. It cannot get worse.

Let’s be real. Last year was pretty much as bad as it gets. If you don’t go into this season with a mentality that you’ll even be marginally better than last year, I truly don’t understand how you wake up each morning, let alone make the decision to wear a White Sox hat.

 

2. Youthful energy

The White Sox are one of those teams that have a ton of young players and a first-year manager. The hope is that these young players will capitalize on the opportunity presented to them and flourish with little-to-no expectations of competitive baseball. 

 

3. Pitching Prospects

The good news is the White Sox have built up a decent amount of pitching prospects- guys like Mason Adams, Ky Bush, Jake Eder, and Noah Schultz have all shown promise- but are probably still a year or two out from competing for legitimate spots in the rotation. 

 

And reasons why it’ll probably turn to shit:

 

1. Andrew Vaughan

Stop me if you’ve heard this before, but a guy that was taken high in the draft to be a real threat at the plate, play 1B, and contribute to the offense, hasn’t panned out the way people would hope. Through 562 games, Vaughn sits at a 1.1 WAR with a 33 percent chase rate. If the White Sox are going to piece together a legitimate offense, Vaughan’s success is key to that.

 

2. Garrett Crochet’s Departure

Say what you will about his overall effectiveness on a putrid White Sox team, but Crochet provided meaningful innings and a sliver of hope anytime he took the mound. With his move to the Red Sox, Chicago will have to find a way to replace his production in the rotation.

 

3. The Vibes

Spend any time on a White Sox fan message board, and you’ll quickly find out that this team is only slightly less optimistic than the Lions fanbase during the Millen years. There’s a great radio rant about the White Sox circa 2023 that I feel captures the spirit of this team during the past few years, and when you place the White Sox in context of the disappointment of the Bulls, Bears, and Blackhawks, it’s easy to see why the prospect of rooting for the White Sox this upcoming year fills one with as much excitement as getting in the passenger seat with Tony LaRussa behind the wheel.

Overall, I take great pride in seeing Chicago’s downfall. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a wonderful city- and in many ways, I envy it. Having gone to school at Western Michigan University (Go Broncos), some of my best memories were day trips to the city and barhopping. But man, did their fans talk A LOT of shit- especially when it came to Blackhawks and Red Wings playoff series back in the good ol’ Western Conference days. I vividly remember going to Comerica Park as a kid when the White Sox were loaded in the mid 2000’s, and being like 10-11 years old waiting in line to use the bathroom, and this fat, drunk, oaf of a White Sox fan lit up a cigarette, blew smoke in my face, and told me that Bobby Higginson was gay. That same guy got removed from our section in the 6th because he was yelling racial slurs at Carlos Pena. I feel like every White Sox fan is some variation of that guy- and for that reason, I say loud and proud, Rest in Piss to the 2025 White Sox.