Thank you for tuning back into the Longnecks season, I missed last week’s game and recap due to a much overdue bender in the City of Chicago. The Necks fell last Thursday to the Michigan Mallards by a score of 6-2, dropping their record to 1-5. Thank you and please continue.

Do you believe in miracles? Well if you don’t, then you should. Because what happened last night at Hazel Park Ice Arena was nothing short of Jesus turning water into wine or Moses parting the Red Sea.

The reeling Longnecks, losers of five out of their last six games of the season, took on the defending champs and historical Longneck-killers, Brighton Chrysler.*

*this is by no means an add or endorsement for the business of Brighton Chrysler, Longneck hockey and all of it’s affiliates remain loyal to Fox Hills Chrysler Jeep, your one-stop-shop for everything Chrysler Jeep, Fox Hills Chrysler Jeep.

And by Longneck killers, I mean last year they were the only team in the league to beat us twice, and boy did they ever. By scores of roughly 10-3, and 8-2. They shit pumped us. They were bigger, faster, stronger, more skilled, less drunk, and seemed to have been playing together for quite some time….and it showed because they ended up winning the whole damn thing.

So this was our opponent last night. On a night when it looked like we were going to be real short on guys, and even of those guys that were playing…it seemed no one really even wanted to play. Energy in the locker room was low as we resembled gladiators awaiting to enter the Roman Coliseum for our almost certain death. Animal House even stated “Man, I really don’t feel like playing tonight.” Doesn’t get more clear cut than that.

We had 6 forwards, and 4 D. Not awful. But in this league, playing on olympic ice, and with half the team aging at an accelerated rate…we really prefer 9 forwards to run 3 lines.

But this is where the night began to take a turn, in through the doors walked Muskie and Vulture. The two compadres you rarely ever see without each other, and while we were lucky to see them…they felt lucky to even see. Period. The boys had tied one on pretty good and there was concern about if they would even know which way to hold their stick. But bombed Muskie and Vulture are still better than most completely sober, and their fashionably late shit faced arrival is the juice the team needed right before puck drop.

Now I could try to drop into a play by play and really try and describe the gory details for you, but what I’ll do here is give you the high level overview about what transpired in last night’s game…..We won, 6-2. Goals were scored by Muskie, Animal House, Man Hands, and Frank.

But Frank, how did only four people score if there were six goals?

I’m so glad you asked. Well the reason for that team, is that I scored three of those goals.

I know. After the game it was annoying fighting off the paparazzi and groupies after our men’s league hockey game around 11:45 at night in the middle of the shut down Hazel Park Race track. What’s even more insane about me scoring three goals last night, is that the second goal I had, was on a breakaway. I never score on breakaways but that bury last night put me squarely at 100% on the season. First break, first bury. Now sure, did I completely whiff on the shot? Did I mean for the puck to go where it went? Did I get completely lucky catching the goalie off guard with how bad and slow the shot was that it just happened to find the back of the net? I’ll let your imagination answer those questions.

But, I’ve always been a team guy and never one for individual accolades, I did my shotgun MVP at the end of the game (nooooooooooooo big deal) and in a stoic tone told the boys we needed to prepare for next week.

Can I answer right now if I’m the best player on the best team in the league? I don’t think that question warrants an answer. Like I said I am more in this for the team and what this means for the organization more than I think about how the team has never won a game without me there (0-1) and how we’ve won two (2-4) with me there. It’s not about that.

Have I given thought to if “I’m back, baby” or let my mind wander into the land of “You still got it Frankie, you motorboatin’ sonofabitch, you still got it!”? Has that happened? I can’t say, it’s really not my place right now. Right now I’m just focused on getting the Necks back to our winning ways and preparing for next week, I’m not worried about the fact that I’m tied for the team lead in goals.

Game Notes: 

• Frank had three goals
• With Frank’s hat trick he is now tied for the team lead in goals
• Frank scored his first goal on a pass in front from Mistrial, was stopped on the initial shot, but buried the rebound
• Frank’s second goal was on a breakaway pass from Mistrial again, potentially but maybe not whiffing on the shot which found the back of the net
• Frank’s third goal (the one that completed the hat trick) was on a pass from behind the net to the front from Ha-ppy (I think, might have been Mistrail again), but either way, it ended up in the back of the net
• Frank had a chicken tender salad for lunch that day
• Frank’s shot gun MVP was mildly embarrassing as he is not used to dealing with any amount of success on the ice and could barely bust the can open, spilling a good amount of it’s contents on his own bag
• Frank listened to “I Believe I Can Fly” by R Kelly on the way home
• Ha-ppy didn’t shower

Until Necks week. #SYNO 🍾

– Frank