So this weekend I got my ass smashed and my salad tossed in more ways than one. I was up in St. Ignace for the Labatt Blue Outdoor Hockey Championship. It’s a tradition me and the boys have been doing for about 6 years now, total weekend FTB. This year, since global warming is such a hoax, it was like 50 degrees and the ice turned to 7/11 Big Gulp Slurpees about 2 hours in, so we didn’t really play. But what we did do is annihilate ourselves. Like whoa. It’s Wednesday and this is the first day I’m starting to feel somewhat normal again.

In addition to lambasting myself via Canadian beer, I also got smoked on the black jack table, the roulette table, and sports betting. So since being back I haven’t touched a god damn thing, and haven’t had a desire to.

Until tonight, when I saw the MI Lottery had a payout of $400+ bajillion skins.

But shit! I don’t have my ticket and I’m so god damn comfortable on the couch I don’t feel like running to Jazz Liquor in downtown Detroit right now to feed my gambling addiction…I can’t buy online, can I?

**type**type**type**type**click**type**click**type**

Annnnnndddd holy fuck I just bought 20 dollars worth of Michigan Power Ball tickets and I don’t even know what just happened. If this has been a thing please stop me (LOL), but I thought the whole point of gambling with money was to slow people down? Even when you go to the liquor store, you can only pay with cash.

Oh and not to mention you gotta be 21 to gamble in general. The security questionnaire to get around their iron clad system was “What is your birth date?” Uhh 21? Whoa, phew. Dodged it. I coulda easily been a 13-year-old adolescent little shit with Mom’s credit card. Wild stuff.

In addition, for signing up I was given 5 dollar free play, which, I shit you not, can be used for online scratch offs. I can’t believe this is real. Even when I’m trying to not gamble I end up gambling. Seriously, head to michiganlottery.com and everything is right there. I personally turned on some porn in the background, put my sunglasses on, and am currently smoking a cigarette right in my living room trying to order a drink from my girlfriend. It’s like I’m in fucking Vegas.

So what’s the play tonight?

These numbers. 🔒

Drawing is tonight at 10:59 EST. I feel hot about the 7 on for the PowerBall. 🍾