I feel like every time I’ve looked at my phone during Spring Training the Tigers are losing and/or Miggy and JD are tweaking some sort of shit in their back/legs. JD is on the 10-Day DL and that probably means he won’t see an inning till late April. Zimmerman seems to be getting lit up like a god damn Christmas tree in every outing he’s had. And somewhat decently hopeful young gun/giant Steve Moya just cleared waivers throughout the entire league, meaning there were roughly 750 players MLB GM’s deemed better than him. And it is true, the Tigers have not won much down in Lakeland this Spring going 14-20.

But, even with that said, I’m fully heeding Justin Verlander’s advice via tweet on this one:

And for those of you thinking I’m putting too much stock into a Justin Verlander tweet, remember this?

After he tweeted that out in early May when he started off as a dumpster fire, he ended up being a Cy Young candidate that SHOULD have won the award as the AL’s top pitcher by season’s end.

But the reason I’m putting more stock into a 140 character tweet by a 34-year-old male from Virginia than the actual hard facts of this Detroit Tigers roster is simple- I’m desperate. As am as desperate for a winner as Riley Sheahan is for a goal in the 2016-2017 season. I am desperate as a 2:38am “U up?” text to your ex. I am desperate for a fucking winner in the city of Detroit as Colin Kaepernick is to find a place to play in the upcoming season. And I know I’m not alone.

Right now it’s looking like our most successful 2017 team will be the Detroit Lions, who lost their last four games of the season, backed their ass into the playoffs with a 9-7 record and got absolutely dicked-down in the first round by the mediocre Seattle Seahawks.

The Wings are the Vegas odds favorite to finish dead last in the Atlantic and the Pistons cant stop losing/driving mildly intoxicated and are essentially irrelevant along with about 27 other teams in the NBA. In addition Andre Drummond still has braces which just plain embarrassing.

photo cred: m_lucchese18

So these El Tigres…is all we got. And I’m crazy enough to believe they can win the AL Central if they stay healthy. That’s based on dead-ass (💀) desperation and hope. But our lineup still has the potential to be a top five and is much scarier on paper than Cleveland’s, and if our pitchers can play with an ounce of consistency I truly believe we have a great shot. Also, playing KC, Minnesota, and the White Sox a bajillion times during the year doesn’t hurt either. And like honestly Cleveland needs to stop, like come back to earth and stop pretending to be a championship city and go back to being the Mistake by the Lake who has no idea what winning looks like. You got you NBA ‘ship with the King and that’s fine and dandy but just chill the F-O on the AL Central this year and start putting bags on your heads again, K? Great. #EatEmUp 🍾

– Frank