This one stings from every angle. 

I have loved the game of hockey since I was young lad standing only about yay high. Yet, this sport that had originally brought me so much joy for my entire life just keeps finding sneaky ways to kick me square in the dick lately. And last night, the Hockey God’s decided to put their steel toed boots on and collectively stampede my unit like a used soccer ball.

The Pittsburgh Penguins, arguably my most hated team in all of sports, has won the Stanley Cup for the second year in a row, and they did it in one of the the most gut wrenching fashions a hockey game can go.

And just when I thought my pills had seen enough, Bettman decided to drop down on his proverbial knees and give Sidney Crosby the nicest/longest Conn Smything he’s ever received.

Every. Single. Angle. 

I openly hate the Penguins with a feverous passion, much of that anger is rooted from the 2009 Stanley Cup final where Pittsburgh had the AUDACITY to take away the Wings repeating as champions for the first time since….the 97-98 Red Wings. So sure, the Pens stopped us from doing that. A fluke. Surely they would go away. And they did, for a time being, up until recently.

As time passed and the Wings got worse and worse, us as Wings fans would cling to glimmers of success from our storied past, one major one being that we were the last team in NHL history to repeat as champions.

But that is all gone now. That is all gone because some referee with no nut sack and a skittish whistle decided to blow hard and early, taking away Nashville’s one ticket into a game 7.

Now sure, Nashville did miss out on a 5 on 3 late in the third. And sure, Nashville didn’t have a penalty called on them the entire game. But that fact that they had a goal disallowed due to no fault of their own that eventually set up their demise is infuriating, but during chaotic times I always like to turn to Twitter for some calm serenity.

https://twitter.com/AndyCole84/status/874075217642930176?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.russianmachineneverbreaks.com%2F2017%2F06%2F11%2Fofficials-early-whistle-costs-nashville-game-opening-goal%2F

https://twitter.com/alex_prewitt/status/874074653723172865?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.russianmachineneverbreaks.com%2F2017%2F06%2F11%2Fofficials-early-whistle-costs-nashville-game-opening-goal%2F

And my personal favorite, level-headed breakdown:

https://twitter.com/BarstoolJordie/status/874074594042314756

After that happened, I felt awful about the Preds chances. Then when they didn’t bury on the 5 on 3 in the third, it was a virtual lock that the ‘Guins were going to score some super-late-piece-of-shit-garbage-goal to take home the Cup. Because it has just been one of those nights like this for the passed 7ish years.

Since the Wings won their last Stanley Cup in 2008, my hockey life has been literal hell. Look at this lineup of winners since our Wings raised Lord Stanley:

2009 – Penguins (def. Detroit), 2010 – Blackhawks, 2011 – Bruins, 2012 – Kings, 2013 – Blackhawks, 2014 – Kings, 2015 – Blackhawks, 2016 – Penguins, 2017 – Penguins.* 

*Years in BOLD denote times of personal severe mental instability. 

SIX of the last fucking NINE have gone to either PITTSBURGH or CHICAGO. And in 2015 I LIVED in Wrigley. I was basically SWIMMING in bandwagon hockey ignorance.

Why Hockey God’s? WHY?! Part of me thinks this is happening because there is some sort of karma/balance of power thing going on. Since I grew up watching 4 cups, 6 finals, and a 25 year playoff streak, Hockey Jesus is just sitting up in Hockey Heaven like “Okay Detroit Red Wings fans, time to take it in the ass.” And maybe that’s why were seeing the Blackhawks and Pens operate at such high levels in these years.

So lets just recap last night into today for me:

Least favorite team wins the Stanley Cup ✅

Least favorite team wins the Stanley Cup, again, wiping out a milestone previously held by my favorite team in all of sports ✅

One of my most despised athletes in all of sports wins the Conn Smyth ✅

Lose $190 dollars on the game because I got a little trigger happy after 3 beers and decided to let the entire weeks winning ride on the shoulders of the 8 seed playing in their first Stanley Cup finals versus the defending Cup champions ✅

Lose above stated amount of money heavily based on a botched whistle by the referee ✅

Yell at girlfriend for doing absolutely nothing wrong because I do not know how internalize my own feelings/anger ✅

Go to bed angry ✅

Wake up in a cold sweat at 4:37am to a nightmare that the Pens 3-peated and said girlfriend had left me for Phil Kessel and she boils him hot dogs after every game ✅

Go to work angry ✅

Cry in the bathroom at work ✅

Write shitty article about my life that literally no one cares about and hopelessly wish that 2018 is the Wings year. ✅

Please. Someone. Anyone. Awake me from this nightmare.

#lgrw 🍾

– Frank