This article is presented by Antonio’s Italian Cucina

With the blog making its return and the Heat Report™️ being a staple of the weekly content Champagne puts out, I figured it was time to provide a write-up for clarity around any of the categories and faces you might not completely grasp. Now remember, this list is non-debatable, so this write-up is not here to defend the reasons why people are in the categories they’re in, it’s merely to inform. From there, you can praise or berate – but never debate. Let’s dive in.

Burning with the Fire of 1000 Suns

• Broncos win their first National Title in school’s history
• Rory completes the grand slam
• Skubs doing Skubs thing, Dingler/Kerry Bond/Tork hitting the piss out of the ball- Tigers at 10 wins and leading the central
• John Keating has worked his last game in the broadcast booth for Detroit Sports. After 29 years with the Wings & Tigers and a 45-year career in total, we said goodbye to Keats last night and the Wings gave him an awesome tribute.
• Ovi scores #895 and becomes the NHL’s all-time leading goal scorer.

Scalding

• Jobe with another win, this time shutting out the Twins

Hot

• Gleyber back from injury and raking, McKinstry swinging it well, Will Vest hot out the pen
• DeBrincat and Kasper some of the lone bright spots to close the year for the Wings

Back To Work

• THE DETROIT PISTONS ARE BACK IN THE PLAYOFFS FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE 2019

Bring it On

• Pistons get the Knicks in the first round.

2-on-0 Masterclass

• See more

  https://t.co/JlsYuw2jz9 pic.twitter.com/8qmx2dUp7y

  — Champagne Athletics (@champletics) April 15, 2025

First Time In NHL History These Four Have Missed The Playoffs

• Bad year for American Original 6

Collapsed When It Mattered Most

• The Wings since March started
• Bryson shoots a 75 with the Master on the line
• Aberg was putting for the outright lead on 17 and ended up in 7th

Cold

• Riley Greene hasn’t been swinging the stick like we had hoped
• Reese Olson bad outing this week

Prayers Up

• WMU Broncos Pulverize BU to win the NCAA National Championship
• Elmer hurt, season done.

Hate You Forever

• Claude Lemieux, The Colorado Avalanche for existing

• The Chicago Blackhawks, for existing

• Matt Patricia, for being a talentless prick. My most hated coach in Detroit sports history

• American Coney Island. I am a born Detroiter. At birth they put the coney dog sorting hat on your head, I was deemed a Lafayette Loyalist and nothing will ever change that.

• Matt Millen. #FireMillen

• I could write an entire dissertation on the Priority Patch and how much I hate it with every fiber of my being, but you can watch this video instead.

• Eric Ebron. Cocky, rude, drafted way too high and not good at catching a football.

• Kwame Kilpatrick. Corrupt.

• Brad Allen. Decker reported you moron. It’s on video.

• Gary Bettman. It’s time to go. You rigged the lottery for Chicago, there’s ads everywhere, and you decided on a ten year partnership to make a cheap, creatively barren apparel brand as the official jersey provider of your product. Sickens me.

• Fanatics. Awful brand. Awful products.

• Monty Williams. 14-68

• Jim Joyce. You can cry and say sorry all you want. It doesn’t give Armando Galarraga his Perfect Game. What were you thinking?

• Ben Johnson. Benedict Arnold.