Morning degens, and welcome to Champagne Selection Sunday: NFL Week 3, where I will give you my three locks of the day, my teaser of the week, a Sunday Night Football pick, and then of course, try and predict the score which will once again break our pathetic Lions’ hearts this Sunday. I wasn’t too far off last week.

Last week we posted a Sunday record of 3-2. Hitting on Atlanta, San Fran, and the teaser of the week between Baltimore and KC, and missed on the horrid showing from Minnesota, and a heartbreaking finish in Seattle with New England. You can check my work, here.

My total record on the year is 4-3 when you include my Monday and Thursday Night Football picks, which you can follow on Instagram or Twitter. I missed week one due to a life event.

But last week is in the past and it’s time to navigate our way through another sweatbox Sunday. I have to admit you’re going to see a lot of familiar faces from last week with my picks again this week. Hey, when a teams winning you money, no need to get cute.

Key: Each pick rated on a scale of 1 to 5 ‘s based on my confidence in the pick.

Here are my three Sunday LOCKS today:

ATLANTA -3 vs Chicago. 1pm EST  Atlanta’s offense is the cats fucking pajamas, unfortunately, they can’t stop anyone on defense. Good news for the Falcons in this one is they are at home and playing an unimpressive Mitch Trubisky and the Bears offense. Sure, Mitch made the Lions D look like a Pop Warner team in the fourth quarter week one but I also don’t think the Lions would win the Big Ten right now if they were in that division. Atlanta’s offense is too much for the Bears to keep up with in this one. Final: Atlanta 31, Bears 23.

SAN FRANCISCO -3 @ New York Giants 1pm EST  Yes San Fran is completely banged up, and yes they are a West Coast team playing at 1 o’clock on the East Coast, but, I was informed that San Fran stayed on the East Coast for the whole week to avoid more travel, so they have been adjusted to the new time zone for over a week now. Last week I said I’m throwing all that East/West Coast shit out the window and taking the better team, it worked and San Fran ended up being the least stressful bet of the day. San Frans the better team even without all the guys they are missing, and let’s not forget the Giants are without the face of their franchise in Saquon Barkley. Niners roll. Final: San Fran 27, NY Giants 13.

NEW ENGLAND -6.5 vs Las Vegas  Here is a line I quite frankly, once again, don’t understand. I said this on MNF when the Saints were -3 vs Las Vegas and I lost my ass on the game, so maybe I’m just not getting it when it comes to LV. But the Raiders are on a short week, heading into New England after the Patriots just had a heart breaking loss to Seattle on the 1 yard line in week 2. The Raiders are made up of two playmakers on offense, Darren Waller and Josh Jacobs. Belichick is known for eliminating teams top players, and that’s what he does today in route to a drama-less victory. Final: New England 24, Las Vegas 15.

TEASER OF THE WEEK: 

Now look, my TOTW this week has a much lower confidence than last weeks and that mostly because it’s a lot easier to put faith in Kansas City and Baltimore than it is the two teams I’m picking this week.

This week we have a 7.5 point teaser.

MINNESOTA +10.5 vs Tennessee with CLEVELAND -0.5 vs Washington. Last week I put the ultimate faith in Minnesota, and they played one of the worst football games I’ve seen a team play this year, and I’m a Lions fan. In addition, I just hate putting any sort of faith and/or money into Cleveland. Cousins and Baker are very underwhelming and wildly inconsistent, but with all that said I believe Cleveland has the chops to win at home vs Football Team (lol fucking idiots) and if Minnesota has any semblance of a nutsack they should be able to hold the Titans within 10 in their own barn.

Sunday Night Football Selection: 

NEW ORLEANS -3 vs Green Bay.I have pretty low confidence in this week’s pick, and I’m still very mad at New Orleans for what they did to me on Monday Night vs the Raiders in that dog shit performance. I went all in on them and they just couldn’t figure it out vs a subpar Las Vegas team. Stupid. But against my better judgement I am predicting that they bounce back at home vs a Packers team that could be missing their best wideout in Davante Adams. Final: New Orleans 37, Green Bay 29 

This now leads us to…..

Our Lions Pick of the Week. 🥺

The Detroit Lions head to the desert of the second time in as many years. I really never understand the NFL scheduling and how NFL teams can play a non-divisional team two years in a row, in the same building. This happened like four years in a row with the Lions playing the Saints in the Superdome. It made no sense to me then, it makes no sense to me now. But either way the boys head to AZ to take on the desert pigeons in a rematch of the most nauseating tie in NFL football history from a year ago. Only this year, the Cardinals are a formidable team that a lot of people are excited about, while the Lions are currently 0-2 and look like a shit stain on the underwear of the NFL.

The Lions do get Golladay back this week which is a desperate need for Matthew Stafford and the Lions offense, but the Lions last-ranked defense is what everyone is worried about. The line on this game is Arizona -5.5, and most people thing they are going to prison pound the Lions, and while I do think the Lions lose this game, I think they keep it weirdly close and lose in traditional heartbreaking Lions fashion. Mr. Reliable Matt Prater misses a 27-yard field goal as time expires for the Lions to lose.

Final: Arizona 33, Lions 30.

Matt Patricia somehow stays on as the Lions coach for another week despite dropping his record to 9-395-1. If you haven’t seen already, I called for Patricia’s head last week.

Also don’t forget I have a new shirt out, which you can check out here.

Good luck this week team.

#forward 🍾

– Frank