WEEK FOURTEEN!?! Are ya kidding me? Seems like just yesterday we were in the middle of summer panicking about the pandemic wondering if we would even get to see football this year, now here we are gearing up for the first week of fantasy playoffs and the Lions have already fired their coach and GM. Something about the normalcy of that feels comforting. Before we jump into today, I gotta say- I hate this board. I want to tease everything in sight and nothing looks good to me straight up, which, by all that’s holy, is never a good thing. So let’s hope for the best but prepare for a slaughter on this crisp Sunday. Additionally, this is one of those weird weeks where not only do our Leo’s play in the late afternoon slot, but most of the bets I am intrigued on taking, are also in that slot. So I guess we just have to be patient today before our degenerosity (not a word) kicks in.

TAMPA BAY -6.5 (130) vs Minnesota 1:05pm: I hesitated on this one for a while because Minnesota is low key making a back door push for the playoffs right now and it seems the Bucs have more chinks in the armor than we originally thought. But then again, I also remembered Brady, Arians, and the Bucs are coming off a late season bye week where they’ve had extra time to prepare for the Vikings, who, by most standards would not be considered a great team. Brady’s been embarrassed by his last couple of performances, he’s had a week to study his next opponent, and he’s at home. Vikings keep it closer than we expect but Tampa wins and gets back on track to close the season. BUY THE HALF POINT. Final: Bucs 31, Vikings 24

NINERS -3 vs Washington, 4:30pm: Last week was Washington’s Super Bowl. Not only did they beat the only unbeaten team in the NFL in prime time but they also did it with Comeback Player of the Century, Alex Smith, at quarterback. This week they have to travel out to the West Coast to take on a Niners team that was just embarrassed in prime time by the Bills. The niners are better than what they showed last week and are still treading water in hopes to retain a playoff spot this year. They get it done at home vs a tough Football Team pass rush. Final: Niners 24, Football Team 20

PITTSBURGH +2.5 @ Buffalo, 8:30pm: Another week, another Curtain bet. Yeah sure, last week I threw my entire 401k at the Stillllers and they blew it to the fucking nameless team in a prime time slot and I proceeded to break every window in my house. But in this business it’s all about the next play. You gotta have a short memory otherwise you’ll drive yourself insane. The Burgh has been my go-to all year and they are something like 9-3 ATS or something like that, when I saw the + in front of their line this week I jumped all over it. Buffalo are a bunch of DAWGS I respect the shit out of but I need to stay Burgh-loyal this week and jump on the that road dog line of +2.5. Final: Steelers 38, Bills 27 

TEASER OF THE WEEK (7.5 point) 

*TOP CONFIDENCE BET OF THE WEEK* <<< That’s something new. The reason it never existed before is because there was no such thing as a ‘top confidence bet of the week’, because most my bets meander around low to mid confidence. But when it comes to teasers you get so many fucking points it’s no wonder they are called teasers. They tease you into thinking it’s a good idea. But this week it IS a good idea. TIANS PK @ Jacksonville with SAINTS PK @ Eagles. If this loses, you can find me trust falling backwards down the half demolished Joe Louis Arena stairs. There is absolutely no way in hell that the Titans coming off an embarrassing loss should go into Jacksonville and do anything except beat the living shit out of them. In addition, there is ZERO excuse for (arguably) the #1 defense in football to go into Philly vs a rookie quarterback and at the very least not win the game. Lock this the fuck in. This hits or you can personally come to my house and spit in my face. (I just screwed myself so hard).

OUR LIONS 😳🥺🤔💭

So guys before I get into this I just have to say if I wasn’t a Lions fan, and I didn’t have some weird stupid moral code against betting against Detroit teams, I would be absolutely pounding the Packers in betting today. No joke, this would be my biggest bet in favor of the Pack covering a -7.5 line in Ford Field today. I have zero faith the Lions pull this game out. I said on The Fizz this week the Lions will close the year 0-4, and I completely still believe that. The Lions got their cute “fuck you Patricia” win vs Chicago and that was that. And while with each passing day I like Darrell Bevell more and more, it’s just not written in the stars for him to be our next coach.

Now, with all that being said, I had another fucking weird ass dream last night. Remember my last dream in week 7? Where the Kool-Aid man came into my living room and spilled the ‘l-aid all over the place and my dog was barking and shit? Well I didn’t have that dream again, but I did have this lame, very tame, dream where I took the Lions money line with my betting group chat, and the Lions won the game. There isn’t much to the dream at all but I won like 300 bucks or some shit and I remember being like “whoa, are Bevell and the boys going to win out?” That was the whole dream. No bullshit had it last night.

Why am I even telling you this? I opened this paragraph saying how the Pack are going to Bone Fest ’97 us today, then I tell you I’m having epiphanies about the Lions winning today, SO WHICH ONE IS IT, FRANK? The end of this article has had more direction changes than the Lions management in Stafford’s tenure in Detroit.

Team, as much as I want to sit here and slime time live myself in blue Kool-Aid, I can’t do it. Rodgers is on a killing spree and the Lions are still a very, very broken team. Rodgers comes into this comfy, empty dome today and does what he does- and that’s beat the Lions in comfortable fashion. I’m sorry but I think this is close for about 2 quarters then turns into a blood bath. Final: Packers 41, Lions 29 

– Frank