Guys- week 8 absolutely kicked my ass. I was on the sucker train who hopped aboard the Packers and Titan train which collectively lost NFL betting America roughly 4 billion dollars (made up stat) last week. My Sunday night Dallas puke-pick when to absolute shit, and worst of all the Lions got absolutely lambasted after I put on my killer Lions graphic hoodie and literally screamed at Lions’ Nation to pound the Lions versus the Colts because the Kool-Aid was tasting so SO sweet after that Atlanta W.

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So here we are. Week nine. Confidence is sitting pretty low after an embarrassing week 8. But the betting road is not an easy one, there’s a lot of lows before you reach the highest of highs. That’s why they call people like me “degenerates”. So let’s get in the box, stand in there even if the pitcher is throwing gas inside, find our pitch- and hit it.

 = Level of confidence. 1 lowest, 5 highest.

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS -3 @ Buffalo, 1:05 EST.   This one feels like a toss-up. West Coast team coming to the East Coast to play in the one o’clock spot, I would typically favor a home Buffalo team, but everything changes when you’re playing against DangerRUSS Wilson. Buffalo seemed like one of the hottest teams in the NFL to start the season, and while they have won two in a row, they haven’t looked particularly great in edging out the worst team in the league in the Jets, and barely edged it out due to another late Cam Newton mistake versus the reeling Patriots. Russ shines, Hawks cover. Final: Seahawks 33, Bills 27. 

CHICAGO BEARS +7 (-135) @ Tennessee, 1:05 EST.  Notice the one lock confidence here. Not only am I taking a dog (which I suck at doing), I am taking the Bears on the road. Puke. Puke city. The Bears are the fraud of frauds record-wise and should be 4-4 if it weren’t for DeAndre Swift going butter palms week one as time expired. But let’s take a look at the Bears finishes this season: -4, -4, -4, +8, -1, -7, +14, +3. Close games! The Bears, win or lose, tend to keep it close, with the exception of one game. They do the same here on the road in Tennessee. Final: Titans 24, Bears 20. 

HOUSTON TEXANS -6 (-125) @ Jacksonville, 1:05 EST.    Yes. Both these teams are 1-6, but the difference here is that one is 1-6 who has had a head scratching season with an extremely tough schedule, while the other is absolute ass. If you need help being walked through this one, Houston has played KC, Baltimore, Green Bay, Pittsburgh, and Tennessee this season….while Jacksonville is starting a 6th round rookie today, Jake Luton. Houston’s only win was a blowout versus Jacksonville this year, and they are able to roll again today. Final: Houston 31, Jacksonville 13. 

Teaser of the Week –      (6 point teaser)

Last week the TOTW was the only legit advice I gave even though we had to completely sweat out the Saints W over the Bears. But this week I, once again, feel pretty good about our selection. It’s a big dog, and I love giving big dogs even more room to operate, and that’s exactly what we’re going to do this week. KANSAS CITY -4 with BALTIMORE +7. Baltimore hasn’t been the same this year and are currently pretty banged up and on the road versus the red-hot Phillip Rivers and Colts. The line is +1, while the +1 feels like a trap, I feel confidence about Lamar Jackson keeping his team within 7. And in addition you have to put faith in Patty Mahomes and Co. to cover a 4 point spread.

OUR LIONS 🤨🤔🤨🤔🤨🤔🤨🤔🤨🤔🤨🤔

It’s time to play…..what kind of fucking team are we dealing with here!!! After the first 4 weeks I was ready to toss this entire team in the trash. I knew they’d smoke the Jags and thought if they could beat Atlanta on the road they could potentially turn 2020 into a Wild Card season, but in true Lions fashion just when you think you can put a little faith, hope, and love into the team, they take a colossal dump on your metaphorical chest. That’s exactly what they did last week when I dressed up like a slappy and screamed the Kool-Aid was too sweet to pass up and the boys proceeded to give up 41 points at home.

But in true slappy fashion what you do after a win or a loss is you look at the upcoming schedule and you attempt to do Zach Galifianakis meme gif math and try to figure out the Lions playoff/divisional odds.

And like we said before- the schedule is extremely favorable for making up ground in the division.

Headed into this batch of games, I said if the Leo’s go 4-2 across this stretch we’re in decent shape. They would end up at week 13 with a record of 7-5. They lost to the Colts in horrific fashion last week. I think they will trip somewhere in the Washington, Panthers, Texans stretch, so I fully believe the Lions need this game if they want to have a shot at a playoff spot come the later weeks. Golladay being out is super shitty. Couple it with his contract issues and Stafford’s false COVID tests and we’re feeling a lot like SOL all over again. But I think the Vikings are ass and I’ll keep the slap faith alive because I’m a weak, powerless, human being. Lions win. Final: Lions 27, Vikings 24

#forward 🍾 

– Frank