Well gaaaaaadddd damn. What a week it’s been for me, personally. Last week I was completely offline due to me attending my post-wedding bachelor party. A phrase that could only make even an ounce of sense in this year of 2020. But even with my vacationing, I didn’t intend to go completely offline. You may have heard a similar tale in this week’s Fast Food Friday, I really did intend to have picks for you guys last week, but American Airlines legit doesn’t have outlets on their planes, so my laptop died and thus you got no FFF, and no Selection Sunday. Yuck. In addition there was absolutely zero hope of me typing up an article/editing a video while on said bachelor party, there were simply just too many beers to drink. But enough about my personal life, let’s make some money.

🔒 = Level of confidence. 1 lowest, 5 highest.

PITTSBURGH -3 (-135) vs Cleveland, 1pm EST. 🔒🔒🔒. This is my favorite game of the week. Both AFC North teams. Both 4-1. Both hate each other. It’s gonna be a nasty one. But what I want everyone to picture here is an upstart Detroit team (lol) headed into Green Bay. If you didn’t have a Lions allegiance, a smart, betting man, would take Green Bay 9/10 times, and that’s what we have here today. Pittsburgh isn’t going to let baby Cleveland come into their barn because they are finally having a decent start to the season and push them around. Plus, Mike Tomlin had this badass quote.

I think they make Baker cry. Final: Steelers 33, Browns 17. 

NEW ENGLAND -7 (-140) vs Denver, 1pm EST 🔒🔒🔒🔒. COVID has made New England’s world absolute chaos in the last couple of weeks. It’s caused them to shut down their facilities and deactivate Cam Newton. In the process we got to witness the unfathomably bad Brian Hoyer make his return to a starting role, and finally find out why Jared Stidham hasn’t been given any real looks…all whilst Kansas City slowly kicked the shit out of them. But now this week the worst offense in the NFL comes to Foxborough, and Cam Newton returns. It’s a recipe for an ass kicking. Bill Belichick hasn’t won a game in two weeks (L to KC, bye) and is ready to get his life back to normal. New England rolls. Final: New England: 27, Denver: 9

BALTIMORE -10 (-105) @ Philadelphia, 1pm EST 🔒🔒. Now look, I am probably falling right into a Vegas trap with this one but I simply can’t not use my brain and take Baltimore here. Last week I was Sunday-Fundaying and me and my buddy got cute and decided to takes the Bengals +13 vs Baltimore. Baltimore proceeded to convincingly and handily blow out the Bengals en route to covering a 13 point spread. Philly has been absolute putrid garbage this year along with the entire NFC East. I don’t care that they’re at home, and will have some fans in the stands. They suck, Baltimore doesn’t. I’m done thinking about this. My confidence is low but I would be sick taking Philly here. Final: Baltimore: 31, Philadelphia: 20

TEASER OF THE WEEK – 🔒🔒🔒🔒

I am probably about to jinx it here but I am perfect on my Teaser’s of the Week thus far this year, and I gotta tell ya here team, I LOVE this week’s option. Normally I ride with a 7.5 point teaser, but I was given the option to buy half a point this week, so we have an 8 pointer going today. COLTS +0.5 vs Cincy AND GREEN BAY +7 at Tampa.  The Colts are coming off a yuck loss to the upstart Browns last week. Rivers played horrible. I expect the Colts to bounce back at home vs a rookie QB and the basement of the NFL in Cincinnati. I think the original spread of +7.5 is a little scary, so just picking the Colts to win this one is a safe bet. In addition, we have Green Bay who is a perfect 4-0 against the spread this year looking at a -1 line on the road vs Brady and Bucs. While the -1 is a little intimidating (even though I think they cover), I feel much more comfortable with them keeping it close at +7 in the Sunshine State.

SUNDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL 🔒

SAN FRAN +3 (-120) vs LA RAMS 8:20pm. Tough one here. And if you haven’t learned from following me or from this article alone, I tend to lean towards the favorites. Maybe that’s why Vegas loves me. This game has all the makings for an absolute trap – Rams are hot, Donald is a monster…while San Fran has lost two games in pretty ugly fashion to less than stellar teams. All signs point to the Rams. It’s one of those lines you say Why is it so low? And that’s what I’m not going to do. I am not going to get trapped this week. San Fran guts out a win they shouldn’t in prime time just like the Eagles did to them a few weeks ago. Final: San Fran: 23, LA Rams: 19

Our Leo’s 🔒🔒🔒

I have said this before and I will say it again, when you read this section of the article always keep this disclosure in mind – I do not advise betting on the Lions in any situation, ever. This is the first year in many that I have finally STOPPED betting on them every week. Every week I would do at least a little tiny minimum cute bet just to have some action on the boys. But that has ceased. So while I do have action on everything mentioned above, this part is simply for entertainment and predictions. This is fandom. This is not advice, or guidance on how to bet the boys. Now, if you read this and decide to apply it to your betting decisions, I can’t stop you. But I just wanted to clear the air there.

The Lions head into Jacksonville to take on the lowly Jags in what could quite possibly be the worst matchup in the NFL this week (Washington and NY Giants also receiving votes). The Jags are 1-4, the Lions 1-3 coming off a bye, and I think the bye week is the difference here. I have this very odd feeling that the Lions absolutely roll in this game from beginning to end. I think it’s one of those games where Stafford goes off and there isn’t a moment of doubt. Why do I feel this way? I think it’s because Detroit’s fan base wants Quinntricia gone so so so so so so bad, and a win this week means it won’t happen…whereas a loss could mean they are finally canned. Lions fans don’t get what they want. Ever. We get spit on and laughed at. And after the Lions blow out the Jags this week and improve to 2-3, people will start to point out that we’re in the hunt again, and those two will be safe until week 10. I would also advise you to check out the Lions schedule in the next coming weeks….some very winnable games, which I’m sure Patricia has made very clear to whoever is running the circus over there in Ford-land these days.

Final: Lions 38, Jags 17.

PS – Did you know Matthew Stafford has never thrown a TD vs the Jags? That changes in a big way today as he throws 4.

#forward 🍾

Good luck this weekend team.

– Frank