I apologize in advance. I know the news lately has been bleak and my articles aren’t necessarily the beacon of confidence. But when your favorite sports teams keep tossing turds at you there is not much you can do except eat your own shit.

What?

Frans Nielsen has been selected to the 2017 NHL All-Star Game in Los Angeles.

giphy.com

And if you would have told me back in July when we got this cat that he was going to be representing Detroit at the All-Star game, I would have said something like “GREAT!” or “FUCK YEAH!” or like something in a positive light.

But there is nothing positive about being the kid who HAS to be invited to the party. Remember being a little kid and having a birthday party or like a little play date or some shit? And your mom told you some kid had to come cause he was on the team or your mom was close with his mom? And you just wanted to die inside because he was so undeserving to be at that thing you were having? Only COOL kids were coming to your thing and if just anyone could come that didn’t make your party that cool anymore cause non-cool kids were gonna be there. Like “HEY I did all this work to be cool/good/liked to be invited to this party, what in the fuck did you do to get here?”

That’s how the All-Stars are looking at Fran Nielsen. Let’s take a look at the Atlantic roster alone:

Now you could argue that Kyle Okposo and Vincent Trocheck are kind of in similar boats, but when you look at the overall body of work Detroit’s Frans Nielsen ranks…

• Last amongst all forwards on the list in goals with 8, which is only 1 ahead of Shea Weber and Erik Karlsson (who are defenseman for the love of God)

• Second to last, overall, in assists with 14 (Trocheck is last with 12)

• Last, overall, in points with 22

• Tied for last in +/- at minus 12, (Trocheck)

This reminds of when the Tigers were consistently terrible, yet the MLB made sure every team was represented so Detroit would trot out names like Damion Easley, Brad Ausmus, or Robert Fick. Like “yeah here’s our guy idk.”

Remember when Brandon Inge was in the home run derby? Alongside names Prince Fielder, Adrian Gonzalez, Albert Pujols, Ryan Howard, and Nelson Cruz. Everyone probably looked at him how everyone looked B-Rabbit the first time he tried to rap in the shelter, but instead of Inge having a Poppa-Doc-Roasting-like experience he just hit zero home runs and everyone continued to wonder why in the actual fuck he took part in that competition.

As far as other options for the Wings go, Jimmy Howard was most deserving (can’t believe I just wrote that), but he’s banged up. Same goes with Vanek and kinda maybe Green. Zetterberg more than likely chunked up a proverbial deuce on the idea of fucking up his all-star break vacation. You could possibly get into the conversation with Tatar but then I feel like I’m just rewriting this article with his name instead of Frans’.

After all of those I can’t help but say- why not Mantha?

In 25 games he’s got 19 points and is +11 which is tied for best on the team. He’s young, playing hot, and a lot more exciting to watch than the 32-year-old minus 12 Fran Nielsen.

But there’s nothing these 2017 Wings like more than beating down the confidence of the younger generation of players, so I appreciate them sticking to their mission.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1dnONDAzmc