Fuck the Blackhawks. Fuck Toews, fuck Kane, fuck Crawford, fuck Quenneville, super fuck Hossa, and fuck Panarin. Fuck ’em all to death.

Now there are two thoughts as you probably read this, most Wings fans are saying “Well yeah they’re the Blackhawks, obviously fuck them.” And others are probably wondering “Why is he going to HAM out of no where on the B-Hawks?” Then the majority have probably already exited out of the site. All valid responses. Now- the Hawks have always been a YUGE rival of the Red Wings. Detroit-Chicago intra-division any sport will always be rivalry. But growing up, sure the Hawks were in our division, but they were never relevant. Not until about 2008 did we actually kinda give a shit about them. So for me growing up, I hated teams like the Colorado Avalanche, the Colorado Avalanche, and the Colorado Avalanche. It wasn’t until the 2013 playoffs when Detroit blew a 3-1 series lead in the Western Conference Semi’s did I really begin to hate them.

But even through my hatred, real recognize real, and the modern-day Blackhawks are the closest thing to the 1995-2009ish Red Wings we have in the NHL. I know. It sucks. But they are really, really fucking good. And have had their stars at fairly young ages. In addition, now this really hurts, they are cool. Toews rocks #19 which I have to respect, and all he does is win (he’s a member of the highly exclusive Triple Gold Club which entails winning Gold in the Olympics, World Championships, in addition to winning a Stanley Cup), Kane is really effing good plus a loose cannon American, Keith is an MSU grad, they have a Bowman pulling the strings, and they, like the Red Wings, are finding players out of no where who are completely ripping it (Panarin).

And for the past 7ish years they have haunted my hockey dreams. Winning three cups in six years (just like the Wings) and ultimately taking over as the top team in the NHL. This killed me for a long time. I lived in Chicago in 2015 when they won the cup, and to watch all the clueless Chicago fans pretend like they could even name a player on the team in the early 2000’s was repulsing. Bandwagon fans with a really good team raging sack on the street I lived on. It hurt.

But as the Wings have faltered and the Hawks have stayed steady, I decided to salute my cap to them and try and use their success to my advantage, and I did that….with gambling.

Which brings me to my reborn hatred. I have taken the Hawks moneyline in all three games this series with the Preds, and even tossed them and the Caps into a series parlay. And the kicker? I bit the bullet and picked them to win the Cup in my Bracket Challenge pool, because I thought they were that good. THEY’VE LOST EVERY SINGLE FUCKING GAME IN THE SERIES AND NOW MY BANK ACCOUNT NOW LOOKS LIKE MY COLLEGE APARTMENT. Bombed out. Depleted. Desperate for resources. It’s like those assholes KNEW I took them in every single game and the series and said “lol let’s not even score till game three.” I feel like a shit Red Wings fan for trusting in them, and now I just want blood. I want them to lose and get swept in the first round tomorrow. I want nothing more. I want the Predators to win 9-0 and I want all the fake Hawks fans’ tears to drip down their cheeks into their Bud Lights. I want the Red Line to stall for three hours on the way back from the bars tomorrow evening so all the Blackhawks fans can just weep together and wonder what in the fuck happened. And if 9-0 can’t happen, I want the Blackhawks to lose 1-0 in quadruple overtime in a game that goes till 3am where they outshoot Nashville 68-14 and a bunch of shit like this…

…happens to them.

Then, I want Nashville to lose in the second round to St. Louis so all the bandwagon fans can really collectively scratched their heads as to how a DOG SHIT 8th seeded Nashville team was able to take down the big bad #1 seed in 4 games. #LGRW TILL THE DAY I DIE AND I’LL NEVER TRUST A TEAM FROM CHICAGO AGAIN IN MY LIFE. SCOUTS HONOR.***

PS- the Cubs are .500 🍾

***if the Hawks come back from this one you can find me facedown in Lake Michigan wearing a Wing-Nut hat and my Yzerman jersey.

– Frank