Yanno what they say about the first period of hockey games…if you ignore everything that happened in it and don’t talk about it afterwords, it doesn’t count.

So if we all collectively ignore the fact that the Longnecks gave up 6 very quick and painful goals in the first period, you can rest easy knowing that the Longnecks defeated arguably the best team in the league last night by a score of 6-3.

But if you’re a by-the-book teacher’s pet stickler who believes in telling a true and honest story and stealing joy from the boys then yeah, you would be accurate in reporting that the Longnecks did indeed lose last night by a final score of 9-6.

The game was a rollercoaster. 6-0. 6-4. 8-5. 9-6. Final. The 300-Footers are legit a bunch of ex-NHL guys. The headline image on this article is a guy on their team. Not kidding. You can find their wikipedia’s online from their illustrious hockey careers if you look up the roster. But the one caveat with them is that they have like 7 guys total on the team. So, they have to come out and punish their opponents early, because they start to run out of gas as the game goes on.

And while the Necks came close, the 6 goal drubbing dished out in the first period was just too much to overcome. On the very first shift of the game, Frank, me, looked like a baby deer in headlights playing around the former pros. After Mr. Hustle won the opening draw, Frank immediately turned it over….twice. Which lead to a 300-Footers goal in the first 30 seconds of the game. The entire bench laughed as Frank removed himself from the ice. And they weren’t laughing with him, no. They were laughing at him. It was embarrassing to say the least.

But in games like this when the skill level is so lopsided to one side of the ice, you have to lean on what you have the advantage in. And for us in this game, it was warm bodies. We outmanned them almost 2-1, and knew we could wear them down to an extent…and we did, answering with 4 straight of our own. But a 2 goal deficit would be as close as the boys would come, as timely beautiful backdoor goal scoring by the 300-Footers would ultimately seal the Longnecks fate in week 4.

I am proud we were able to fight back, and somewhat make it game, last years Necks would have rolled over and died to the tune of 13-1.

It would seem in a 9-goals-against game, this would be a prime spot to take shots at Goalie and dust him up like a ceiling fan in an abandoned house…but he actually played really well and made some spectacular saves…despite the score. I can honestly say there was not much more he could have done on all 9 of their goals.

Longneck goals were scored by Sub #1 (x2), Mr. Hustle, Vulture, Sub 2, and Frank. 

Game Notes: 

The Nexus Spine & Sport Backbone Performance of the Game goes to the entire 300-Footers, 7-man roster. They dropped a fucking 6 spot on us in ten minutes of playing time. And every single goal was beautiful. They scored 9 goals and beat a team of decently young and mildly talented hockey guys with 7 dudes and barely broke a sweat doing it. I can’t imagine being that fucking good at hockey. It’s unfair.

The Zim’s Vodka Smoothest Move of the Game goes to Sub #1. I could give this award to every single 300-Footer goal because they were all snipes, backdoor buries, and chiseled apples genos….but, I just gave them an award, so I’m giving this one to the Necks number 1 sub this season. We’ll call him Sub #1 for now. He was the only one out there who had the hands to hang with these guys, and he had a beauty of a dangle when we were down early which inspired the boys to put some fight back into the game.

The Fox Hills Chrysler Jeep Trail Rated Tough Performance goes to Mr. Hustle, he was buzzin’ all night and keep the boys feets movin’ even when most of us probably wanted to lay down and die. He had chances early that should have found the back of the net, but the bounces didn’t go his way. But he kept pluggin’ and scored a goal which was a beauty of a move that is a runner up for the award just above this one. If he had better puck-luck early, the game may have been even closer than it was.

The Bowline Financial Calculated Risk of the Game goes to All In. He really didn’t know anyone on the Longnecks coming into the year, but last night he hung out with the boys watching hockey, sippin’ brasworths, even though he was in shorts and freezing his balls off. Guy is called All In for a reason and we’re happy to have him.

Up Necks: East Lake Dental. I know nothing about them as they are new to the league.

Until necks week.

#SYNO #NeckNation #TheQuest #IsItThursdayYet?

– Frank