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Last night was a shitshow. From pregame to post game everything about yesterday’s game vs the Detroit Aces (who we refer to as the Butt Snorkelers) was a gong show.

It started early in the afternoon when a member of the Snorks said their goalie had to have an emergency appendectomy and could not go, they asked us if we knew any goalies. We were already down Goalie ourselves and had to reach for our 4th string net-minder option after 2 and 3 opted out, so needless to say we were short on goalie resources.

Nonetheless, the boys love playing on Thursdays. The boys also especially love playing on Thursdays when the games are at 9pm vs the worst team in the league, so we went all hands on deck to find a goalie. I am not kidding you when I said I contacted upwards of 10 goalies yesterday to try and find the fucking Butt Snorks a god damn goalie. TEN. I was cold calling goalies to get this deal done.

I didn’t even know these people and I was trying to get them to play against us. 220% the Longnecks worked harder to get the B Snorkelers a goalie than the actual B Snorkelers.

Long story short- they had one of their players suit up in net. When we got word that this is what they were doing, we told a few guys who lived further from the rink to not even make the trek, so we rolled with 8 Necks last night and that was more than enough. We won 6-2 but should have put up three touchdowns on these guys.

On the very first shift of the game #93 took a full blown swing of his stick at Mistrial and cut his face…..Mistrial wears a cage, and he still cut him. Clown shit. Mistrail completely (and rightfully) popped his top over this incident and looked like my mans in 300 after his son gets killed.

He was blood drunk. He chased 93 down, punched him a few times, pushed his ass to the ice. It was a whole scene. I loved it. This was the first shift! It felt like we were playing in the Twilight Zone. And it’s 93’s fault I’m dusting this team up so bad, if they were shitty and didn’t do dumb shit like cut a guys face or continually slash people in a game they had no hope of winning, then I’d say they’re fine. But when you have one win, can’t field your own team with a goalie, and take stupid swings at people for no reason- then yeah, I’m going to vouch for you to not return to the league the following year.

Every year there is a Butt Snorkeling team, and they never play more than one year- Detroit Aces, you are that team this year. Also side note- I am upset with East Lake Dental for allowing the Snorks the one pity win they have this year.

What a weird night.

Game Notes: 

Cornerstone had a hat trick.

The Nexus Spine & Sport Backbone Performance of the Game goes to our fourth string goalie. He wore and Osgood bucket and played phenomenally for a guy who hasn’t skated in 3 years. Very much appreciate you coming out for the Necks and stickin it out.

The Zim’s Vodka Smoothest Move of the Game goes to Mr. Hustle. He came into Thursday’s game hot off a trip to Montreal, so he was feeling extra Canadian and brought a 24 of Molsons. I haven’t had Molson in a while and the boys loved it. Hot play.

The Fox Hills Chrysler Jeep Trail Rated Tough Performance goes to that dude on the Butt Snorkelers who is normally a player but wore the goalie equipment so we could have a game last night. Fuck the B Snorks but this was a solid gritty move, respect.

The Bowline Financial Calculated Risk of the Game goes to Mistrial. He knew chasing that guy down punching him a few times and crossing-checking him to the ice would be fine by the refs. The refs knew what happened and they thought it was bullshit too, so they let Mistrial get a few shots in, which Mistrial knew he had the leeway to do…because he took a calculated risk.

Up next: The 300 Footers. We are 1-1 vs them this year, with our one win coming in the form of a forfeit. Yes it still counts as a win. 1-1.

Until necks week.

#SYNO #NeckNation #IsItThursdayYet? 

– Frank