Today Martha Ford and Lions organization released a public letter to the fans essentially apologizing for being so shit at their jobs. Below is the letter, with translations and edits I felt were necessary for any real Lions fan to actually stomach this half-assed excuse of a letter.

“Our 2019 season has not gone as anticipated by anyone in our organization has been complete dog shit. Our team has played hard and well enough incompetent enough to be very competitive virtually eliminated from playoff contention by mid-November. It has been well-documented that we are one of only three teams to have held the lead in each of our first 12 games, which as you know, means absolutely nothing . Unfortunately, all too often, we have come up a few plays touchdowns short of victory. Our current win-loss record is ultimately very disappointing very indicative of what we all have become annually accustomed to.

“As we evaluate this season, we look beyond just the only thing that matters in this league, our record. We are striving kinda thinking about maybe working to build a team with a strong foundation of high-character players and coaches, that is physically and mentally tough, with depth at every position, laser vision, super human strength, and one that can be successful over many years, not just one season the New England Patriots. We see signs of this foundation in our team’s toughness, competitiveness and culture, mostly on Twitter. Injuries happen in the NFL and are never an excuse, but I’m going to bring it up anyways because Stafford getting hurt is the only loose grounds on which we have to stand for having such a shitty season. Nonetheless, our team has played through serious injuries this season to some of our best players Matthew Stafford. Despite the injuries, we have remained competitive in each game and our team depth showed up as a strength were able to maintain our timeless reputation of being one of the worst organizations in professional sports.

“We also believe Googled that the most successful teams in our league have a long-term plan, stability in leadership and exhibit patience to follow their plan, we understand that we have none of that. To that end, we are committed to year three of Coach Patricia’s plan lies, cockiness, rude attitude toward the press, and overall pretentious nature. To be clear, our expectation is for the Lions to be a playoff contender in 2020 to make as much money off the fans as possible.

“To our dedicated fans: You deserve a winning team that you are excited to cheer for and proud to represent. Our entire organization is working to make the Lions a consistently winning team hasn’t been able to provide this to you in over 60 years and we don’t intend to start now. 

“To our loyal season ticket members: Thank you for your continued support money. We are announcing today that once again there will be no price increases for season tickets at Ford Field and several sections at the stadium will see price decreases, this is because we are getting nervous you are catching on to how big of a racket we are running over here. We want our fans to fill Ford Field with money for every game, continuing to make it the great home field advantage that inspires our players cover the mortgage on my Malibu Beach House in addition to my three yachts and makes it difficult for our opponents to want to leave.

“Thank you for your continued support timely payments, Happy Holidays God isn’t real and GO LIONS I don’t know what a first down is!

Sincerely,

Martha Firestone Ford 😎

Sheila Ford Hamp

🤷🏻‍♂️

#backward 🍾

– Frank