Alright so, last Friday I came in smokin’ hot when I hit ch’all with an article announcing the Miguel Cabrera produced candy entitled Bitbits. For those of you who didn’t read, Miggy (who still has Champagne Athletics blocked on Instagram) released a candy last weekend. They are chocolate covered rice crispies and are produced in Brazil, and currently only available in the Detroit area.

Great, now that everyone is caught up, let’s move on. The weekend Bitbits we’re released, I was fortunate enough to attend the Sunday Night Baseball game vs Texas where the little rabbit pellet turd-like candies were on FULL display. If you were able to catch the Champagne story on Instagram, you would have seen that they had indoor and outdoor kiosks, the mascot Chris the Crown cruising/dancing around, and were giving away Bitbits at every corner of the stadium.

Now I SHOULD post all the videos and photos I took at the game, but guess what? I drank too many Molson’s to remember to save anything outside of the cover photo of this story. So you’re going to just have to deal with my descriptions on the candy and anything else I decide to toss in here.

Now, I don’t know if it was because it was Sunday Night Baseball or it was just Bitbits opening weekend, but HOLY SHIT they/their logo was everywhere. Ads in the outfield. Ads in the concourse. Ads in the bathroom. Chris the Crown shaking hands/crushing ass in the concourse. Every video interstitial featured Miggy, Bitbits, or both. At one point, it started drizzling and I thought Bitbits were falling from the sky.

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The man at the kiosk right before we walked in gave us each four bags of Bitbits each. One for every flavor. The flavors are as follows: Milk chocolate, white chocolate, strawberry cheesecake, and chocolate peanut.

I’ll keep this brief because you all have things to do and I’m no Guy Fieri when it comes to food reviews. But guys, I gotta say….they were pretty effin’ good. Sure, there isn’t much to them, they are chocolate coated rice crispies but for all the doubts I had I was SILENCED by stuffing my face with all four packs over the span of 20ish minutes.

Milk Chocolate – These are basically Buncha Crunch you get at the movie theatre. My buddy described them as balled up KitKats. And that they are, plain and simple. And just like the candy I compared them to, they are…..FUN to MUNCH! Ayyyyyyy.

White Chocolate – These were really hot IMO. They reminded me of those Cookies N Creme Hersey’s bars. When I was a child and was out shopping with my Mom, if I ever caught site of a Hersey’s Cookies N Cream I would bludgeon my own mother over the head with one of those jumbo plastic red oversized baseball bats until she bought me one. So needless to say I was a big fan of the white chocolate.

Strawberry Cheesecake: This flavor seems to be the tote of most of my friends. What does “the tote” mean? It means they really fucking loved it. I’m just more of a traditionalist when it comes to candy, hence my love for milk chocolate and white chocolate, but they were definitely serviceable, and I ate every single one of them.

Chocolate Peanut: They are chocolate cover peanuts and if anyone tries to tell you differently they deserve the worst in life. #EatEmUp (literally) 🍾

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– Frank