I have never in my entire life bet against a Detroit sports team nor Michigan State.

That’s big facts. Not ever. Not even a little $5 handshake with a buddy. Not in a parlay, not in a teaser, and definitely never straight up. I’ve never fucked with the faithful. I should never receive any positive gain out of my favorite teams losing, it’s not my duty as a fan. Now, this doesn’t make me any better of a person, it just makes me an idiot and a terrible gambler. And the reason for that is, is because any mildly successful gambler will tell you to never, ever bet with your heart, and always bet with your head. The only issue is that I rarely follow that advice, I take my teams wayyyyyy more than I should because I have the shitty mindset of “Man how sick would it be if the Lions won AND I won money too!” It’s greedy really. Greedy and stupid.

Now a lot of other degenerates I have spoken to have told me that they actually ENJOY betting against their home squad because they feel it’s a “win-win situation.” They say that if their home team wins and the team they bet on lose, great! at least my team won. If their home team loses, and the betting team wins they say great! at least I won money.

The whole concept to me is foreign and assbackwards. I wouldn’t even be able to enjoy my home team winning if I knew I lost money. Right? More people have to feel this way. Whatever. Basically when I set out writing this article it was going to be a giant run around up and down of how I am grappling with the juicy mother fucking Patriots-Lions line of -7. And if you’re confused I’ll clarify for you non-complete degenerates: The Patriots are favored to win tonight’s Sunday Night Football prime time game at Ford Field by at least 7 points. This line on Wednesday was -6.5.

Now, if it was ANY other team except the Lions, I would be absolutely hammering the Patriots. I would have taken them at -6.5, and -7. Then I would have parlayed them moneyline and tossed them in a teaser. I would have put a little bit of them on my toast in the morning, dipped my club sandwich in them for lunch, then seasoned my chicken with them at night for dinner. They would be all over my ticket. Up-down-all around. My entire paycheck and mortgage would be on the Patriots. Why so confident you ask? Let’s tell a short story with pictures.

If you were unable to follow, basically the Lions got embarrassed by the Jets on Monday Night Football to open the season. The Jets go on to lose to the Browns who haven’t won a game since Obama was in office, exposing just how bad the Jets really are. (Now a lot of people will say the Browns are actually good this year, and I am refusing to hop on that bandwagon after one win). The Pats lost to the Jags weekend by a score of 31-20. When the Patriots lose by double digits, in following weeks they are 17-1 since 2003, with Brady accounting for 13 of those wins. Long story long… Brady and Belichick are coming for blood tonight.

Brady off an embarrassing loss. Belichick vs one of his old coaching staff members. On prime time. Hey, I’ll be rooting for the Lions with my Stafford jersey on, but my confidence level is at an all time low. But don’t get me wrong, I want the Lions to prove me the fuck wrong tonight. Shut me right up, go ahead! I dare ya! But if you’re smart and have ridden yourself of the blind loyalty to the organization who hasn’t had a playoff victory since 1991, then hammer the Patriots tonight. #forward 🍾

– Frank