Former Red Wing and player I completely forgot was in the league, Patrick Eaves, currently on the Dallas Stars, (fuck me, right?), has 14 goals and 9 assists. Giving him 23 points on the year, which would put him at NUMBER ONE in goals and NUMBER THREE in points if he were on the Detroit Red Wings “roster.”

Below is an image that should haunt your dreams for weeks on end:

And here’s confirmation of the nightmare stat I just provided you:

In addition to not knowing former Red Wings forward/irrelevant gum on the bottom of Mike Babcock’s shoe, Patrick Eaves, was outscoring the entire Detroit roster, I also didn’t know he had a legendary lumberjack beard hanging from his formerly irrelevant face.

Fuckin’ a this is a tough year for Detroit sports.

#LGRW