Now that the Tigers season is over we can reflect on the good and the bad, and give the only plausible path forward for 2018.

Good: Opening Day was fun.

Good: Fulmer has shown that he has the makings to be an ace for years.

Good: Miggy’s family hasn’t been kidnapped yet.

Bad: Everything else. No seriously. It’s July and the season was over a month ago. The future is bleak. The Tigers have no identify, no farm system, no hope, and no path forward so I’ll offer one.

Path Forward: BLOW. IT. UP. Like any Major League shit show it all starts from the top. These 3 dudes have the most power in deciding the Tiger’s future:

Head Coach: Brad Ausmus

He makes the day-to-day decisions on how the Tigers play baseball. Lots of those decisions don’t work out, but here’s the thing: He’s cooking with dog shit. Unless Verlander and Fulmer can pitch every other day and JD (I know he’s gone) could have batted every time; Ausmus was doomed. The Tiger’s played KC Monday a week ago. The Tiger’s line up had 2 players batting over .280. Those two guys are Madman Mikie Mahtook (170 ABs), and Alex Presley (94 ABs). I have nothing against these two guys. I like them both, but it doesn’t work that way. The Tigers didn’t get to the World Series in 2006 because Vance Wilson and Brent Clevlen batted over .280. All the multi-million dollars players bat below, and in some cases well below, .280. What’s a manager to do with that shit? This team has 5 Designated Hitters that aren’t hitting. I’m surprised he hasn’t started doing cocaine smoking in the Dugout like Jim Leyland.

He heads to office to fill out the lineup card and he has to say, “Fuck.” Then he watches from the dugout as millionaire after millionaire strikes out, leaves runners on base, or kicks ground balls at third. The most depressing part of his week has to be when JV or Fulmer’s pitch count gets to 120 and he has to pick a reliever. Terrifying. He’s more of a man than I am, just for making that decision. I’d decline and forfeit on the spot.

After the game he answers shitty questions in an understandably angry fashion. I mean what else can he do? I still don’t like some of the decision Brad makes, but at one point an $18M player needs to bat over .258 with 8 home runs over 81 games.

General Manager Al Avila 

This team cannot be fixed. It cannot be patched. No rebuilding on the fly. The baseball depression is here and if Big Al stays it’ll be a long one. He’s about 7 months late to the rebuilding party, minimum.

In the off season, Big Al announced the Tigers were sellers. Loved it. This process started off well. Big Al traded Cameron Maybin for pitching prospect Victor Alcantara. Alcantara is a Young Righty with some potential, currently playing AAA. A good trade? Sure why not, especially since Maybin probably wasn’t gonna have a repeat performance in 2017. Alcantara was struggling at the time in AA ball, but you never know. Maybe not the greatest return player-wise, but $9M was off the books and the rebuild was happening.

Big Al couldn’t do it. He couldn’t go full fire sale before the 2017 season. Maybe he was asking for too much in trade negotiations. Maybe ownership reversed direction. Maybe he’s just terrible at being a General Manager. I don’t know why it stopped, but at that moment the Tiger’s reversed course and were going for it in 2017. Not great news, especially since Big Al just sold his centerfielder. Not a great message to fans, “Hey everyone, not quite sure what we are doing here. I think we are going to try to win now, not lower payroll, not care about the future, possibly sign more guys to outrageous contracts… except for our center fielder, you know are only guy who can actually play outfield on this team. Yeah, fuck that guy. He’s gone.”

Fast forward to the end of July. The Tigers are done. They are sellers. Sellers in a market that was better last winter, and much better last summer.

Above the GM, Owner Chris Ilitch 

Big Al doesn’t have it in him to rebuild, but he’s not solely to blame. The only guy with the power to control the GM is the owner, and the owner is getting it wrong. I get when Mr. I was around and winning, not money, was everything.

That was awesome! But things have changed. With the passing of Mr. I, the team’s control falls to Chris Illitch. He’s a business stud and seems like a very good and decent man, but he is failing with this team. He needs to make the decision. BLOW. IT. UP. Big Al needs to go. Chris is really the only one that can right the ship, and it needs to be done now. It’s tough to fire someone, or so I’m told. I’m guessing the conversation will go something like:

Chris Ilitch: Listen, Mr. Avila or is it OvUla. How do you pronounce it again?

Al Avila Big Al: I’m not really sure anymore. Just call me Big Al instead.

Chris Ilitch: Okay then. Big Al, we really appreciate your effort. Honestly we could not be fourth in the AL Central without you. Love the hustle, but you’re cut.

Big Al: You’re letting me go?

Chris Ilitch: Yep. Sorry man. Champagne Athletics said we have to.

Big Al: Like cut? Like K-rod?

Chris Ilitch: Exactly. Like K-rod, the dude YOU signed.

Big Al: That contract wasn’t bad. We only gave up Javier Betancourt and some other player to be named later. Neither of those guys can play in the Majors.

Chris Ilitch: Neither can K-rod. Oh, and thanks for exercising his 2017 option. We are very excited to pay for that.

Big Al: It was only for $6 Million this year, which isn’t that bad…

Chris Ilitch: You paid him $1 Million dollars per blown save this year.

Big Al: I guess it is bad if you look at that way. But I did do good things for the team. I brought back Cameron Maybin

Chris Ilitch: For a year. Then you left us without any one who can play outfield.

Big Al: But we dumped his payroll. You said we need to dump payroll.

Chris Ilitch: You didn’t dump enough payroll, Al. He wasn’t the guy I was talking about.

Big Al: I prefer Big Al.

Chris Ilitch: I thought you said this Zimmerman dude was gonna be good.

Big Al: He was… I mean is. He started hot after he signed and I think he’ll turn it around over the next 3 years…

Chris Ilitch: Three more years?! Holy Shit, I didn’t think we had him for 5 years. Can’t believe dad let you do that. Didn’t his arm fall off before your signed him?

Big Al: He had Tommy John surgery and a lot of guys come back even stronger from that.

Chris Ilitch: After their arm falls off? They come back stronger?

Big Al: Its science.

Chris Ilitch: Well Mr. Science, can you explain why I’m paying Upton $22Mil this year?

Big Al: Hey, he leads the team in Home runs.

Chris Ilitch: No Big Al, JD Martinez leads the team in home runs and he doesn’t even play for us.

Big Al: We traded JD for some good talent.

Chris Ilitch: First of all YOU traded JD. He was my boy. Second, we did not get enough talent. And what did I tell you about trading with Arizona?

Big Al: That I shouldn’t.

Chris Ilitch: And why is that, Big Al?

Big Al: Cause their minor league system is worse than ours.

Chris Ilitch: Cause their minor league system is worse than ours, that’s right.

Big Al: But our minor league system sucked well before I was in charge. You can blame Dave Dombrowski.

Chris Ilitch: Don’t put this on Double D. Don’t you dare. He got us there twice, and we won a shit load of games in between.

Big Al: But a lot of these contracts…

Chris Ilitch: Need to go. And you need to stop signing them. Upton for $22M, Zimmerman at $18, Pelfrey at $8M, K-Rod at $6M, Lowe at $5.5M. Did Mark Lowe even pitch for us?

Big Al: Yeah, a little. I did sign some good players. Like Alex, my son.

Chris Ilitch: We all know your wife made you sign him. You signed him on December 23rd so he would forgive you after not signing him in 2015, and come to Christmas. And are you sure he’s your son? You do pronounce your last names differently.

Big Al: I know. I’ve been meaning to talk to him about that. Can’t you just let me have one more year?

Chris Ilitch: Alright.  I can’t be mad at you for that long, Big Al. Besides money doesn’t really matter since we just introduced our ExtraMostBestest Pizza for $6. There is one condition however; resign JD this off season. Give him whatever. Pizza Pizza.

If Chris Ilitch doesn’t fire Al Avila and replacement Al Avila doesn’t fire Brad Ausmus and clean house, then the dark days of Tiger’s baseball are back. Somewhere between ’89 and ’05. I’m hoping for the ExtraMostBestest Rebuild Ever, cause this team right now is cooked. #EatEmUp #BlowEmUp 🍾

– Hof