Oh sweet Jesus. My oh my sweet lord baby Jesus this is not the article I wanted to write. I never have ever wanted to write this article. But here we are. This is my job and I intend to do it.

I was running late for the game. It was our first nine o’clock start in a while and I had lost track of time at home probably doing nothing of actual importance. I get to the rink at about 8:50pm. I walk in the door and the energy is real. The boys are buzzing, music is playing, we have a full slate of guys, two coolers of Battie tall bois- it’s a good excited energy. But then I kind of notice when I walked in everyone who looked at me seemed mildly disappointed. Now, I am no stranger to this happening, especially these days when walking into that locker room. Let’s just say wins and losses aren’t weighing on my presence or lack there of. But anyways everyone is bummed out it’s me…and that’s when Cornerstone says- “We were kinda hoping you would be Goalie,” implying that he has not shown yet.

Now Goalie is usually one of the first people to our games, so I know that his absence is a horrific sign. I immediately call him. The conversation went as follows:

Goalie: Hello?

Frank: Goalie, you almost here?

Goalie: Where?

Frank: Mother fucker.

Goalie: Do we have a game tonight?

Frank: Are you being serious or fucking with me?

Goalie: No our game is tomorrow isn’t it?

Frank: Are you almost here or are you fucking with me?

Goalie: No man, I swear to god. I thought the game was tomorrow

Frank: Are you anywhere remotely close to the rink?

Goalie: No I’m at my parents for dinner

Frank: We’re fucked.

Goalie: Dude I’m sorry I got the dates mixed up

Frank: K I gotta go

((scene))

And just like that….the buzz, excitement, and energy all exited the room. I swear to god I heard a record scratch on the music. Now, we have always had backup goalies we can reach out to, but not 5 minutes before puck drop. We were fucked. Cornerstone and Heist ran throughout the entire Hazel Park Ice Arena looking for a backup option, with every possible candidate declining to participate. We were fucked. Royally, unequivocally, fucked.

Goalie forgot the date of this week’s game so we forfeited to Brighton-Chrysler, 1-0. We played shitty 3 on 3 and we are officially the league’s laughing stock if we weren’t already before. Our logo is a smoking giraffe and we have 4 wins in 18 games.

Half the room left, the other half debated on whether or not to play 3 on 3 with the other team.

We decided on the latter. It sucked. It sucked because we had one goalie, and played 10 minutes of 3 on 3 before the goalie that we did have thought it sucked so back he decided to leave too, like abruptly. And not to mention the guys we were playing with just hated us. I don’t think we’re too widely respected throughout the league in the first place, then to tell them we didn’t have a goalie literally AT puck drop was just dog shit by us.

This is definitely a low point. But now I have to do the part I never wanted to do. I gotta dust ya up a little bit here Goalie. I have to. It’s my job and I hope you understand that…but like what in the actual fuck were you thinking? In 2019 in an age where media, communication, and notifications are literally spewing out of every piece of technology you own, how do you mix up the date of the game? We have a group chat, an email chain, a dedicated app with push notifications, a website with the schedule on it….AND an instagram/blog that is literally dedicated to following this dog shit team hell or high water who posts that it’s game day…every single game day. HOW DID YOU JUST NOT SHOW UP? I have never, ever, played on a sports team or been part of an organization that pings me more than the Longnecks. We subscribed to an app that checks you in and out of games and reminds you that you have games…in addition to that, it sends you a reminder email every week. There is no one, and I mean NO ONE else to blame for this other than yourself. I was angry. I was disappointed. And so were the other boys. It was STINKY. I think when I hung up the phone I called you a moron. And the only reason I say I think is because I may have used the word idiot. For that- I am sorry…if I’m going to call you an idiot or a moron I should be doing it to your face. I was upset in the moment and it was the first thing that came to mind.

But let’s take a step back. While I had to dust you up a little bit it’s by no means a personal attack. Just an attack on the mistake you made…which we’ve all made a ton of, me probably the most. No ones mad anymore we were just excited to play some Wednesday night puck. While we were upset we still got some 3 on 3 in and then hung out at the bar, watched hockey, played trivia, and lost some bets. It was a great night. It was no where near the end of the world….and you did make everything okay when you phoned in 3 pitchers to the bar. That was fantastic. Yes you read that correctly, Goalie called the bar and bought us our beer as a sign of remorse. Stand up stuff.

So let’s move on from this one as a unit and move toward the ultimate goal of winning a championship two games in a row. #SYNO 🦒 🍾

– Frank