Now I’ll kick this article off by saying that may have been a bit of a headline grab. Do I have any idea/clue/proof/evidence if Matthew and Kelly B. Stafford blacked out during a Sunday-Funday in Chicago? No. I honestly have no idea. I wasn’t with them, I didn’t see them, nor do I have any idea their drinking habits.

But when you’re a month and a half out of just birthing twin daughters and your NFL quarterback husband completely surprises you with a private jet to Chicago with two of your best friends on your first Mother’s Day…I would have a few cocktails.

And that’s exactly what happened. #9 for the Detroit Lions blind folded his Georgia Bulldog cheerleader alumni wife, walked her newly mothered ass onto a private jet, handed her a bottle of Dom Perignon, and said “put on your favorite drinking hat- we’re going to Chicago.” Now the details of that are a little skewed because literally no one in the history of the world ever has said “put on your favorite drinking hat” but here’s the Instagram she posted which lead to this article:

Scroll through that bad boy and tell me Frat Boi, his favorite punter (Sam Martin) and their respective sig others didn’t boogey shake get’down in Chi-Town.

There are some pretty great takeaways from this post:

1. Our boy is a boss. You should have already known this, but god damn it do I love Matthew Stafford. Not only is he a gun-slinging, Southern-born and bread late-game assassin who has never made an excuse in his life- he also is a super-boss millionaire who takes his super model caliber wife on impromptu private jet trips to drink really expensive champagne with their best friends. As I sit here literally staring at Ford Field writing this…

Current view from apartment

…I have but one dilemma for the upcoming season- am I getting a Stafford blue or Stafford gray? And for anyone calling for Staffy’s head, you’re a complete idiot. Do you morons remember what we had under center before 2009? Try Harrington – Kitna – Garcia – Culpepper – Stanton – McMahon – And Orlovsky. Cue the gif:

2. Kelly B. Stafford is and forever will be a huge Champagne Athletics supporter. Don’t know if you guys remember roughly 6 days ago but Champagne Athletics achieved it’s greatest milestone in getting a like, comment, & follow out of Nala herself. And yes that was a Lion King reference comparing Kelly to the female queen lion we all know and love. And it seems Kelly’s support of my highly under appreciated blog/website/thing has continued. As we can see her here clearly popping a bottle of champagne as a guerrilla marketing tactic promoting my website.

God you’re the best.

3. Kelly’s got a cannon. Sure, Frat Boi is totted for his arm strength and accuracy, seeming to be able to throw a football on target from any arm slot he so chooses, butttttttt check out the end of the last video in the slide show below, KBS can sling too. Watch the entire thing.

She smokes the bell. Dead on. And, just like her husband, she fought through injury and didn’t make excuses. What injury you ask? Ummm the internal pain everyone goes through when they down a shot of tequila after not drinking for 9 months straight.

Hey so Happy Mother’s Day Kelly & Matt, hope it was spectacular and whilst I have no idea how much you actually drank, I secretly/now publicly hope you got 45-months-ago-drunk-modeling-Costa-Rica drunk.

#forward 🍾

– Frank