Pancakes, sheet metal, my grandma’s EGK meter after heart surgery, and my personality/ass- all things that are undeniably… flat. But you know what aren’t, and should never be flat? That’s right, NFL playoff game day footballs. That wasn’t the case, however, on January 18th, 2015 when Tom Brady’s New England Patriots routed Andrew Luck and the Indianapolis Colts by a score of 45-7. As I’m sure you heard, after that game Brady was accused of deflating footballs which is what obviously lead to their 38 point victory and they would have clearly lost had they not deflated those pig skins. Long story short Brady’s deflating these oblong sporting orbs lead to a four game suspension to start the 2015-16 season; a suspension Brady would appeal, and lose. Result: This is the worst thing to ever happen to the human race since Zayn left One Direction. But what if I told you worse things have happened? It’s true! Let me walk you through the Top 5 Things Worse Than Tom Brady’s Deflate-Gate.

5. Adrian Peterson beating his child

Kids can be so annoying, ugh! But that doesn’t mean you can go slapping them around (even though we’ve all thought about it, know what I’m saying?!) This slap happy fellow got a season-long suspension and caused quite a ruckus for his team and the NFL as a whole

4. Ray Rice punching his girlfriend in the face

Ouch! Am I right?! Domestic violence is such a bummer! Especially when it’s caught on tape. This was really bad for the NFL and left the league with a proverbial “black eye” that’s going to stick with them for a long time.

3. Aaron Hernandez murdering that guy

Eeeeeeaaaasssyyyy big fella! Murder not only goes against one of the ten commandments, it’s also a major felony and frowned upon in most places on earth! Hernandez threw his entire life away at the tender age of 25 as he was sentenced to life in prison without parole. Kids these days!

2. Bruce Jenner turning into Caitlyn Jenner

I didn’t say this list was the worst things to happen only in football! Gosh! Self expression is so0o0o0o0o0o annoying! When former Olympic athlete went from Bruce to Caitlyn in a decision that was clearly thought out by him/her/itself and did not affect 99.99% of the world’s personal life I was so annoyed! Stay a dude, bro!

1. The Holocaust

Oh no! Back from 1941-1945 it is reported that Hilter killed 6 million Jewish individuals and another 5 million others en route to attempted world domination, chill out brah! The Holocaust is still recognized today as one of the largest genocides in the history of mankind and is still an extremely sensitive subject that is not normally thrown around in casual conversations, go Patriots!

So next time your Boston buddy brings up how bummed he is that his beloved T-Bradez isn’t starting for the ‘Triots day one, show him this list, I’m sure it will cheer him up!