Jurco to Chicago for a 3rd round pick ✅

Smith to New York for a 2nd and a 3rd ✅

Ott to Montreal for a 6th ✅

Vanek to Florida for a 2017 3rd round pick and some defenseman named Dylan McIlrath…

Just when you wanted to scream KENNY’S BACK from the hilltops he fucks around and picks up a later-than-desired pick and some oversized fighting goon who was clearly drafted too early in 2010 and has under 50 NHL games on his résumé.

And worst of all. NHL Network is reporting that the Wings are done for the day (today is the trade deadline). Cue swan dive from an I-75 overpass into oncoming traffic.

With the way Kenny was cooking, it really looked and sounded like the Wings were going to reel AT LEAST a 2nd rounder in for the hot handed Vanek, my personal prediction was that we’d rope a 1st rounder. But when the dust settled we’re left with another third rounder and some fuckin’ guy. I say some fuckin’ guy because no one knows who he is. He’s literally just some fuckin’ guy. So since this fuckin’ guy is now OUR fuckin’ guy we might as well get to know him.

Enter: (scrolls up because he already forgot the fuckin’ guy’s name) Dylan McIlrath.

Drafted 10th overall in 2010 (sweet christ) by the New York Rangers, Dylan McIlrath played junior hockey for the Moose Jaw Warriors where he was predominately known for his fighting ability. This unique skill lead to him obtaining the nickname, The Undertaker.

I’m not making any of this up. He’s a big boy, 6’5, 221lbs- so if he ever gets eyes on this and doesn’t take a liking to me referring to him as “some fuckin’ guy” 15 times in one article you can pretty much just assume I’m dead.

He was drafted in 2010 and only has 43 games under his belt in the NHL, where his stat line reads: 3 goals, 2 assists, 5 points, a +4 rating annnnnddddd deep breath…

 

Yayyyyyyy! So with the Wings most sought after trade option in Vanek, someone many believed we could deal to get the pick we needed to bring a high profile rookie to the Wings, we ended up with a goon. I’ve never seen the guy play but when you have 94 penalty minutes in 43 games, your Wikipedia (#factsonly) says your nickname is The Undertaker (I feel that can only be written in bold), and you’re 6’5-221 pounds- I’m allowed to take a leap of faith and call this guy a goon.

Why do the Wings love players drafted way too high like 5-8 years ago who never panned out? WHY? The fact that this fire sale was burning so bright and was extinguished so abruptly is just another kick to the dick for the 2016-2017 year for Red Wings fans. #lgrw 🍾

 – Frank