Annnnnnnndddd in typical Pistons bandwagon fan fashion- I’m back.

I wrote an article in the middle of November expressing how I was going to jump on the then 10-4, first place Pistons bandwagon, actually follow them this year and all this shit, but hey- NEWS FLASH, I didn’t really do that. I followed my law of bandwagon-ness and the worse the team got, the less I followed. And after our Pistons lost 8 straight games en route to dropping out of playoff contention, the Pistons fell out of my list of general sports shit I keep my eye on. I’m sorry die-hard Stones fans, this is just how it is with me.

But in my predictable bandwagon ways, something big/exciting happens in the Pistonverse and BANG! I’m back.

The Pistons have acquired mega-star Blake Griffin and two other guys I’ve never heard of from the Los Angeles Clippers in exchange for Avery Bradley, Tobias Harris, and haunting Tim Burton character Boban Marjanović.

Now I could try and fake my way into actual Pistons/hoops knowledge and break down what this means for the team, organization, and all that other “important” stuff. But I’d rather focus on what matters. And what matters is the concerning issue that Blake Griffin was probably completely kicked in the dick by this move and realistically probably wants nothing to do with the city of Detroit. Now sure, he’s going to say all the right things like he did in his initial response to the trade.

Nice. Standard pro athlete to new team thing. Bunch of lies because realistically he wasn’t ready for the next chapter. He just signed a bajillion dollar ($173 million) deal in the off-season spanning 5 years long or some shit. He was ready to plant his ass firmly in LA and be a super-rich, super-star hooking up with super models like Kendall Jenner.

I mean look at that outfit. That’s Cali. Super Cali. Hell, Kendall is wearing an oriental(?) robe(?) made from silk(?).

I mean, out in LA, Griffin had teammates like Chris Paul (now in Houston) and DeAndre Jordan, who did shit like this:

Now he’s got Andre Drummond:

But I digress. Blake didn’t expect to come to the Murder Mitten and neither did the rest of the NBA, but let me tell you guys something, this move has me #jazzed. 🎷

Detroit has a legitimate superstar in the city for the first time in a long time. And it’s not even close. The only one who remotely come close to touching B-Griff’s star power is Matthew Stafford who is a very good athlete and has gained a lot of notoriety due to having the highest paying contract in NFL history. But at the end of the day he’s just your typical white guy who has never won the division or a playoff game. Not dogging the guy, just laying out facts here. He probably loves a good turkey sandwich with extra mayonnaise and owns an impressive collection of pleated slacks. Hey, there is nothing wrong with that, but until he wins as many Super Bowls as Tom Brady, he’s just going to stay at the moderately, un-excitable fame level.

The only other one you could mayyyyybbbbeee argue is former MVP and Triple Crown winner Miguel Cabrera. But what we have painfully learned during his tenure in the city is that he is virtually unmarketable. Blame it on his complete disregard for the law. Blame it on his lack of knowledge of the English language. Blame it on his aggressive alcoholic past. Or you can blame it on all of those things because if you add all those up and sprinkle in a little domestic violence you pretty much have a guy that can barely get a New Balance endorsement.

But now we got this guy.

He dunks over Kia’s and purposely mistakenly throws water on annoying fans.

The Pistons were living in the land of the irrelevant, they needed to do something, and it needed to be exciting. They are struggling to fill a new stadium in the heart of downtown and this was exactly the move they needed. Whether it works or not I don’t really care, my bandwagon ass is back to dialed in and you bet your ass I’m taking the boys moneyline at home vs the Cavs tonight. #stones #jazzed 🎷 🍾

EDIT- Griffin not in the lineup tonight, I will not be taking the Pistons by any stretch of the imagination tonight. 

– Frank

PS- if you need further evidence Blake Griffin isn’t as #jazzed 🎷 as we are to come to Detroit, he still has yet to acknowledge Andre Drummond’s “Welcome to Detroit” Instagram post.