“POINT NIGHT!” Cornerstone and about 5 other guys exclaimed as we entered the locker room for week three of the Longnecks season. Now, not to be disrespectful, but we heard the new team in the league, the Detroit Aces, was 0-2 with 20 goals against and only 3 goals for. We had a feeling we would be able to take care of business against them on Thursday Night, and we did, to the tune of 6-4. And the score is much closer than the actual game play was.

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The Necks entered the game extremely loose, some members even attended a pre-game warm up sesh at a local Hazel Park watering hole. That extreme loose-ness would carry over into the first period, as the Necks went down 2-0 QUICK due to some unforeseen errors by our substitute goalie.

Goalie could not play last night because he had a busy Friday scheduled, and said he needed to drink a warm glass of milk, grab his binkie, and be tucked in early so he could be well rested for his big Friday. In addition to Goalie being out, we had late check-outs from Muskie and Vulture due to reasons no one can fully explain. But in contrast, the Longnecks were ecstatic to welcome back 3-year-Neck-vet Cheesus Christ. Cheesus had been out weeks one and two with, not kidding, a strained Neck. He hurt it lifting weights and was unable to turn his neck from side-to-side, let alone stick it out. But he was back yesterday in all his cheesy goodness. And while we did not get a patented Cheesus slew foot, we did get a geno out of him.

In addition to Cheesus scoring, we also saw goals from Doc, Animal House, Frank, Cornerstone and, the hottest goal scorer on the Necks right now, Mistrial. Those goals were score all in succession. After going down 2-0 early, the Necks answered with 6 goals of their own, taking a 6-2 lead and never looking back. The Aces were able to bury 2 more late when everyone was essentially playing grab ass on the ice.

It was a confidence boosting night. Point night. And if you’re on the Aces reading this or you think I’m being completely disrespectful to the Aces hear me out. Every league has this team. I’ve been on this team. Before the greatest merger in league history where the Necks were formed, I was eating shit on a team called the Glass Recyclers. We would win 2.5 games a year on average and give up roughly 400 goals a season. It was a nightmare. But every league has this team, and every league needs this team. For the 2019-2020 season, it just happens to be the Detroit Aces. Nothing personal. It’s just nice to have a couple games throughout the season where I don’t have to question my self-worth due to poor play half way through the game. So for that, hats-off Aces.

In year one of the Necks, there was a team called the Butt Snorkelers. Yes, the Butt Snorkelers. Their logo was a man with his face half deep in a butt, with snorkelers on. Let me see if I can find the logo. Hang on. Found it.

I think they were the worst team ever assembled anywhere ever. They would lose games 13-0 on the reg. They went defeated over a 20+ game season. And to make matters worse their name was the Butt Snorkelers. You can’t go 0-20 and lose every game by double digits if you want to call yourself the Butt Snorkelers. It’s just an extremely tough look. The Aces are no where near as bad as these guys were. But every year, there is a Butt Snorkeler team in the league….even though no one will ever be as bad as them, there always has to be a worst team, and this year it’s the Aces.

Game Notes: 

The Nexus Spine & Sport Backbone Performance of the Game goes to Doc who did it from both ends of the ice last night. Scoring goals, moving the puck, getting it out of the zone…just a great night from the guy with the biggest head/brain on the team. It is also his birthday today and he owns the company this award is named after so it kinda seemed like an easy one. Happy birthday Doc!

The Zim’s Vodka Smoothest Move of the Game goes to Cornerstone who, when the Necks were down 2-0, scored an absolute B-E-A-UTY of a goal, snippin’ the Butt Sno– um Aces goalie far side top tiddy.

The Fox Hills Chrysler Jeep Trail Rated Tough Performance goes to Cheesus Christ, for not only fighting through the busted Neck, but proving why he’s a vital staple in the Longneck offense, burying in his first game back.

The Bowline Financial Calculated Risk of the Game goes to Goalie. He knew by asking if he could skip the game last night he would get made fun of not only in a group chat, but also in an article that gets put out on the internet. He also knew, that by sitting out a game to cuddle with his favorite Beanie Baby, he was giving management grounds to cut him for a much bigger netminder. But we have not cut him, so it was a smart calculated risk by Goalie. 

One more note- Hoon gifted Frank a Steve Yzerman plaque that is straight out of the 90’s. A real Harper Sport/Pointe After piece. It’s beautiful. Frank is now treating the plaque as part of his hockey equipment, and plans to bring it to every game. Thank you Hoon I love it.

Up next: The 300 Footers ….. they are really fucking good.

Until necks week.

#SYNO #NeckNation #TheQuest #IsItThursdayYet?

– Frank