75%. I picked 75% of the NHL first round series 100% correct. Of the 8 series, I picked the correct winner in 6. You know how awesome 75% is in sports? You know how difficult that is to do? If you’re confused, let me break it down for you via semi-popular meme.

Blues ✅, Oilers ✅, Ducks ✅, Blackhawks ❌, Capitals ✅, Penguins ✅, Senators ✅, Canadians ❌ (here’s the article where I made these picks.)

Those were my picks, with only the Canadians and asshole Blackhawks who I hate beyond all recognition fucking everything up. But like honestly, the Blackhawks-Preds series shouldn’t even count, no on in the world picked them, and if you’re reading this saying “I did!” you’re a liar and I hate you. You’re the guy who had the Preds “in your other bracket.” Shut up. And why do you have two brackets? It’s the NHL playoffs not the NCAA tournament.

So yeah I consider 6/8 complete wizardry. Cause it is. And it only gets easier from here so let’s check out this next round which is sure to be as sweet and easy as Pavel Datsyuk in a shootout.

I don’t care that this isn’t a shootout goal.

Nashville Predators vs St. Louis Blues

I really should be going with the Blues in this one for the simple fact that in my blind rage of bitching about how much I hate the Blackhawks I stated that I wanted St. Louis to beat the Preds in the next round to really confuse the fuck out of Blackhawks fans as to how in the fuck a dog shit 8 seed beat their might dynasty. So my decision really has nothing to do with skill, talent, and/or match-ups (like most my asinine picks), but more for selfish, aimless, gut feelings. Now that my bank account has mildly recovered (LOL) I see the glory in the Hawks tanking in four games round one and have actually turned full blown Preds fan. Preds in 7.

Anaheim Ducks vs Edmonton Oilers 

When game one started in Edmonton and everyone and their mother was singing the Canadian National Anthem in a sea of orange- it was enough to rustle any true hockey fans’ jimmies. It literally looked like they gave away Oilers jerseys to everyone in the crowd with the amount of Edmonton sweaters they had out there. As a proud, proud American who loves like shotgunning beers and throwing a rubber coated pigskin, I have to admit, it looked pretty cool to be a Canadian in that moment. My heart is screaming pick Edmonton, but I’m going for accuracy here, and I think this Canadian boogey woogey comes to an abrupt halt as the quacker-ass-quackers are just more talented. Ducks in 6, unfortunately. 

New York Rangers vs Ottawa Senators

I’m hot on these Sens. I’ve been hot on these Sens. I really like them because 1. They are Canadian, and Canada birthed this beloved sport and appreciates their teams for all they are worth. 2. They don’t have a Cup on their resume. 3. They are harmless when it comes to affecting any sort of anything regarding the Red Wings. 4. Erik Karlsson is Booooowwwwwwwwwwwssssssseeeeeee with a capital B and 11 w’s. Sens in 7. Sidenote- I like to imagine in the gif below he’s looking up reacting to my description of him and my series pick.

Pittsburgh Penguins vs Washington Capitals 

The Grand Daddy of them all. The NHL wanted this series. The NHL NEEDS this series. The only way it could be better is if it were in the Eastern Conference Finals. By all that’s holy they should split these two fucking teams up and pray they meet in the Stanley Cup Finals. I can already picture it, Bettman walking out onto the ice shuffling his dainty little feet across the rolled out red carpet as he walks out to present Bitch Boy Crosby his third Stanley Cup at a sold out game 7 at Verizon Center. He gives his speech to a sea of “boo’s” from Washington fans then right before he hands the Cup to Sid he whispers in his ear that during overtime he couldn’t help but splooge in the basin of Lord Stanley due to excitement, and he would love nothing more than for Sid to drink from the Cup…………..What in the fuck did I just write? I’m sorry team. Fuck Sid. Fuck the Guins. Ovi finally gets over this career hump and 7 goals in the series. Caps in 7. 

#lgrw 🍾

– Frank