In a game no one actually believed the Lions would win, Detroit did the completely thinkable and lost 26-6 on the road in Seattle Saturday night.

The loss was exactly what I hoped it wouldn’t be- a slow death. I wanted the boys to keep it at least someone close, and in a game where the score was actually 10-6 heading into the fourth quarter, it never felt like the Lions had a chance.

It was a game that after the first, second, and third quarters, had Lions fans all over confidently saying “ALRIGHT” and clapping their hands a few times simply celebrating the small victory of “keeping it close.”

But when it came time to put up or shut up in the 4th quarter, the Lions had theirs mouths proverbially sewn Human Centipede style to Seattle’s rear end where the Seahawks would unload 16 points of superiority down Detroit’s throat.

When it mattered most the Lions played their worst. In the fourth quarter of their biggest game of the season, Detroit collapsed. Which is symbolic of the season as a whole for Detroit. In the fourth quarter of the season, the final four games, Detroit played their worst. With 3 games left and a chance to take the division, Detroit lost 2 of those last 3 games, and overall lost 3 of their last 4 by double digits. And the one game they did mange to keep it under a 10 point loss was because of a garbage time touchdown.

Stat of the Day. The Lions did not make it into the red zone.

Yep.

Detroit did not get within 20 yards of scoring a touchdown all game. This is like that one friend you have who swears he’s got some smokeshow lined up at the bar you’re all going to, then you get there and watch him awkwardly circle the outskirts of the crew she’s with for two hours, desperately vying for face time. You didn’t score man. You were never going to score dude. You didn’t even come close.

The Lions were that friend (team). But you know who did score with that chick (in the game)? Thomas Rawls. A guy who hasn’t been laid (had a good day rushing) since Week 13.

Detroit turns mediocre into spectacular. (See Sam Bradford, Case Keenum, Matt Barkley, Brian Hoyer…)

We all realistically knew we were absolutely fucked when this happened.

It was too perfect. Seattle’s first touchdown came on a fourth and goal from Detroit’s 2 yard line where all Detroit safety Tavon Wilson had to do was literally fucking turn around and get in the way of the ball. But instead, a play that looked doomed for the Sea-Chickens turned into an incredible offensive facemask coupled with one of the most unbelievable catches of the season for a touchdown. And to add a kick to the dick afterwords, the refs tacked on a defensive pass interference. It was the essence of being a Lions’ fan all in one play. It was great.

The only bright spot on the Lions, as always, was the greatest player in NFL history Matt Prater. Jesus Take The Wheel was at it again, nailing two 50+ yard field goals that would have been good from 75. He literally provided the only positive excitement for the Lions all game.

Fun Fact: Did you know, every time Matt Prater hits a field goal, a DUI offender gets let off on parole?

Guys. I went up and down the whole last weeks of the sputtering Lions’ season. I was up, I was down, I was confident, I was hopeless, and a few hours prior to kickoff Saturday I foolishly thought we had a chance, but ultimately ended up exactly where we all knew we would be- disappointed.

A lot needs to happen before Detroit can actually hang with the big dogs of the NFL.

#LGRW & #Stones, I guess. 🍾

 – Frank